Marley Kalt

I’ve been asking myself this question since the second grade.

 

At a fellow classmate’s 8^th birthday party, an “all girl” party at Build-A-Bear, I picked up an all-white bear with a light blue nose.  I instantly received a negative reaction from my peers.  Taunts of “You can’t choose that bear!” and “Blue is a boy color” echoed around the room.  But I would not be discouraged.  I stood by my decision and got the blue-nosed bear.  After all, I thought to myself as my face turned red in embarrassment, the stitching on the nose was really more of a periwinkle color.

 

I regretted my decision immediately after the party.  What would the other kids be saying in school on Monday?  Would the boys in my class find out?  Will anybody be my friend if I don’t act like a girl?

 

My experience is not unique.  Children as young as three have knowledge of gender norms.  They often look at girls who break gender stereotypes more negatively than they view boys who break the same norms.  And in some cases, breaking gender norms, such as a boy wearing girl’s clothing, is thought to be almost as bad as stealing (Blakemore 2003).

 

I was lucky.  When I got to school the next Monday no one seemed concerned with my weekend transgression, which means I must have been displaying my gender correctly.

 

So, here are some ways that I, and others, know I’m a girl:

 

1. I wear pink.

Pink is the ultimate signifier that one is female.  Why else would “It’s a Girl” announcements and balloons be pink 99.9% of the time (and purple for the other .1%)?  Growing up, I had pink everywhere.  Favorite clothes – pink.  Bedroom walls – pink.  Glasses frames, nail polish, backpack and school supplies – all pink.  In seventh grade, my teacher nicknamed me “Pink Lady,” which she still calls me to this day.  Obviously anybody with “pink” in their nickname must radiate femininity.

 

2. I have long hair.

Not because I’m lazy and don’t like spending the money it takes to get a really nice haircut every 6-8 weeks even though short hair is easier to manage and many people say I look better when my hair is shorter, no.  It’s because I’m a girl.

 

3. I played with Barbie dolls.

I even gave them haircuts!

 

4. I don’t play sports.

Or do anything athletic, for that matter, because then I’d get all sweaty, and we all know girls don’t sweat.  I prefer quiet, indoor activities like knitting and decorating cupcakes.

 

5. I don’t watch sports.

You expect a person as feminine as I am to stand around watching a group of people run back and forth to get a touchgoal/fieldbasket/whatever?  No, thank you.  I’ll be in the other room painting my nails and catching up on celebrity gossip.

 

6. I will not kill an insect.

Mostly out of fear that I’ll get bitten or be the target of a revenge mission by 1,000 of its closest friends.  I prefer to stare at the offending beast and scream until someone comes to save me.

 

7. I cry sometimes.

This is only acceptable because I am a female.  Opposite from males, we are extremely emotional creatures.

 

8. If my car broke down I would have no idea how to fix it.

Flat tire?  Frantically call my dad to tell me how to call AAA.  Rock cracks the windshield (which is a very real problem, trust me)?  I’d pull over until someone comes to rescue me.  Fill up my car with gas after dark in the middle of winter?  Not happening.